DAMN: A simple and very short allegory on how not to fish (part 2 of 4)

Read Episode 1.

The leaders traveled for days and met at the summit of the Plateau, in the cool shade of the Ancient Rule monument. In accordance with custom the leaders brought gifts for the other tribes. Great Root brought gifts from the earth, healthy vegetables and seeds that he shared amongst the leaders. Great Gust, chieftain of the Air tribe, brought sacks of grains, milled by the powerful winds that ravaged the Plateau’s lowlands. Great Wick, leader of the Fire tribe, brought disks of warped glass that could intensify the sunlight and light any fire no matter how cold the weather. Great Wake brought fish. Lots and lots of fish.

“Oy, how did you get all that fish?” asked Root.

“Yeah?” Gust chimed in. “We’re here to discuss the vanishing of the river, and you’ve got loads of fish?”

“What do you mean, the vanishing of the river?” asked Wick. “We’ve got plenty of water, and fish too. But thanks for the gift anyway. Nice trout.”

“I built a dam,” admitted Wake. “Now I can provide fish for my village forever. We can dry the fish and store it.”

“But then you’ll have more than you need!” demanded Root. “And worse, we have no fish! What in the name of the Plateau possessed you to do such a thing?” He pushed the basket of fish away.

“Why shouldn’t I?” said Wake. “You divert the river into the flood plains to grow bigger vegetables.”

“I used to, until you stole the river! And we have been doing that for generations, it never harmed you!”

“How do you know that? Whatever the size of your intervention, you nonetheless meddled with the Plateau. That irrigation system wasn’t put there by nature.”

Gust interrupted, with his voice light and breezy. “Gentlemen, please. We’ll have to solve this. I suppose the fair way is to vote. All in favor of tearing down the dam, raise your hand.”

Gust and Root shot their hands into the air. Wake made an exaggerated show of sitting on his. All eyes fell on Wick.

“Um…” said Wick.

“Well?” demanded Root.

“Well, the Water tribe’s dam has sort of increased our fish yield, so…”

“Unbelievable!” Root banged his large brown fist on the table. “So because you live upstream of this monstrosity and we live downstream, we’re going to go hungry and you’re not concerned. How can it be that this isn’t a violation of the Ancient Rule?”

“Nobody’s fucking with your stuff.”

“You’re fucking with our fish!”

“They don’t belong to you, they belong to the Plateau.”

The meeting was adjourned with no resolution. The chieftains of the Air and Earth tribes were furious. The chieftain of the Fire tribe was more than mildly uncomfortable with the atmosphere, but very much looking forward to a fishy feast that evening. The chieftain of the Water tribe went home happy. He was providing for his people, and his father would be proud.

As symbol of solidarity, the Air tribe shared with the Earth tribe their knowledge of meteorology. The rain barrels caught just enough water for the downstream tribes to drink and water their crops, and Great Root used composting and other ways to provide the earth with the rich nutrients once brought by the river. The two tribes had to work much harder, and they were poorer than before. But upstream, the Water tribe was doing just fine, the children were growing strong, the women were happy and the men were busy.

One day, Great Wake called for his merchants.

“We’re living in abundance and things are great,” he said. “Let’s a have a feast! Go and buy some peas from the Earth tribe, toss them a couple of herrings or something. And I’ll send the hunters out for some wild boar. We’ll get my sister to make some of that pea and ham soup.”

“Ah…” said the merchants. “About the boar…”

“Yes?”

“Word has it that the Earth tribe went digging in the sludge left when their part of the river vanished.”

“And?”

“Apparently they found some sort of mineral ore buried deep in the riverbed and they got the Fire tribe to teach them how to extract it.”

“How could they afford that, and why does it affect my pigs?”

The merchants bit their nails and wringed their hands.

“W-well,” they stammered. “They exchanged the knowledge about meteorology that they learned from the Air tribe, and now the Fire tribe are using that skill to harness sun power. The Earth tribe extracted the mineral ore and smelted the metal into rather amazing projectile weapons that they’re using to hunt the boar. There’s hardly any boar left in our woods.”

What?” barked Great Wake and leaped to his feet. The merchants shuffled to hide behind each other. “So now they have the best peas and the best ham?” There would be no feast of pea and ham soup knowing their ingredients were substandard to those of the next door tribe.

The merchants looked at each other. Dared they suggest…?

“We could maybe buy some ham while we’re over there picking up peas? We have plenty of fish to trade?”

“They won’t want to buy our fish if they have the best wild boar on the Plateau! Don’t you understand this is about more than soup? This is going to have major economic effects on our tribe. We’ll go from being the richest, strongest and healthiest tribe on the Plateau to being just another link in this idiotic game of exchanging resources. We need to provide for ourselves.” He sat back down and stared at the palms of his hands. “I need to provide for my tribe,” he whispered.

But Great Wake remembered what his father had told him about the ancestors in the skies. They had all the answers, he had said. A little idea formed. When Great Wake told the Earth tribe that the ancestors had blessed him with the knowledge that all boar downstream of the dam had become poisonous, there was nothing they would do to challenge him. Nobody had ever questioned the wisdom of the ancestors before, and who would risk testing it? And so it became truth that wild boar could no longer be hunted downstream of the dam, and the Air and Earth tribes accepted this and stopped hunting boar, because the ancestors had blessed them with the knowledge through Great Wake.

From this point on, when Air and Earth villagers were very hungry, the upstream tribes traded fish in exchange for knowledge, and soon the Water and Fire tribes knew about meteorology and composting too. Great Wake was succeeding as a leader, and he felt his father would be proud.

Read Episode 3.

To follow this story, enter your email to the right or like my Facebook page to be notified when the next episode comes out!

Featured image: Tribe: by Kapsikom

Review: Ascension Denied

With the humor and playfulness of a Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, and with the biting satire of a Vonnegut, Swift, or Twain, E.A.A. Wilson’s Ascension Denied takes the reader on a rollicking adventure that upends our expectations about the afterlife and skewers religion, business, and the banal trappings of modern life. Ascension Denied is that rare  book that stands alone as an exciting, entertaining fantasy but that also has the guts to take an unflinching look at the world we actually live in. I can’t recommend this book highly enough and know that readers will enjoy it.

Robert Griffith,

Award-winning author of The Moon from Every Window

And speaking of giving and receiving…

Speaking of giving and receiving (read my article specifically for greedy people if you don’t like giving)…

First, I ask:

  • Can you help breathe some life into my author page on Facebook? I have 221 likes which is far from enough if I’m going to be an Earth-shatteringly wealthy bestseller. Ascension Denied is such a cracking story, and I really believe in it – but I’m more of a pen-monkey than I am a book promoter. I didn’t even know what a blog tour was until last week. Just before I got told they don’t work.

The Facebook page is here, it’s brimming with concept art from my book Ascension Denied (soon out!) and if you like it, please like it.

Then, I offer: 

Please paste your Facebook page in the comments below and I’ll return the favor.

Then, I thank:

Thank you! Thank you, genuinely and simply, for helping me. As we plod along, finding our way, stumbling and learning through this overgrown hedge maze, we are not competitors. We are co-travelers. 

My First Book Trailer

What do you think?

A hilarious tale of mystery, adventure and the search for freedom, as angels and humans struggle to navigate their own weaknesses in a complex and fascinating afterlife.

Purgatory is in trouble… In a bureaucratic afterlife where science, theology and utter confusion are entwined, something is preventing the dead from ascending. But the ferryman can’t just stop bringing new arrivals over from the murky shores of death.

Following her own untimely death by house fire, Alice Shepherd has found herself a sensible job as an administrator at the Office of Transition, where she can work to earn enough virtue to finally rest in peace. But when the power-hungry Mayor Fleisch demands she conceals obvious corruption, Alice knows she has no choice but to rally her dead friends and kick some ass. Besides, this could be her chance to redeem herself from the awful guilt she had been running from since she was alive, the one still burning in her gut like steely battery acid.

Can Alice unclog a corrupt system before the streets are overrun by dead people? And what happens when two drunk guardian angels accidentally open the doors to Hell? When unemployment in purgatory hits an all-time high, how can dead souls work towards their redemption? And how will citizens react when the mayor closes the largest oyster-shucking plant in order to build purgatory’s first prison?

This story is like Kevin Smith‘s Dogma meets Terry Pratchett‘s Discworld, where hard-edged humor and dialogue laced with satire colors a vivid world of life and death. Compelling and complex characters bring the purgatorial afterlife to a parallel with our own living world.

http://www.eaawilson.com
Like: http://www.facebook.com/EAAWilsonauthor
Tweet: http://www.twitter.com/EAAWilson
Pin: http://www.pinterest.com/EAAWilson
Tumble: http://www.tumblr.com/EAAWilson

Artwork by Danielle Beebe – http://www.mariebeebe.com
Music ‘Bop Step’ by Bob Bradley & Roger Roger

Ascension Denied
A “Jacob’s Ladder” Adventure

by E. A. A. Wilson (ISBN: 978-1-4575-3075-3)

Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble
3RD OCTOBER 2014

The Hybrid 4: Update

LJ Oliver Dickens London 2

(The first photo of E A A Wilson and Scott Ciencin as writing duo ‘LJ Oliver’)

Funny things are happening in my hybrid universe this week. As always, here is an update both on the self-published book and the traditionally published book (and I’m finally allowed to tell you who the publisher is!)

Ascension Denied (self-pubbed): The book is well into the interior design phase (I didn’t even know that was a thing in books, it always meant curtains, cushions and fabulously gay men with amazing hair cuts) and Dog Ear Publishing sent me the first proof to check. It looks incredible!

But woe…an error. The book has, of course, been through several rounds of professional editing and copy-proofing, but it goes to show that no matter how fine-toothed a comb you use to painfully drag each imperfection out like a reluctant louse, there is always some hideous imperfection waiting to threaten the fulfillment of all my dreams… My marketing team and I agreed a three week leeway between the final proof approval and the actual release, but there was no way I could get it proofed (AGAIN) in that time. Crumbling, tumbling, fumbling ensued.

But, as always, the universe brings the answer! The next day a friend, who is an English professor at Evansville University, IN, got in touch saying she has a student studying Advance Copy-Proofing (I didn’t know that was a thing either) and desperately needed a manuscript to edit. With a touch of hesitation, I asked when she’d need it by (my next manuscript won’t be ready until Christmas), and she said: immediately. So I tentatively asked how fast her student could turn the proof around. The answer: three weeks! Seriously? As the Law of Attraction dictates: when the universe brings you a solution, take it. Or forever forfeit the right to whinge about your circumstances. (OK, I added the last bit.) So happily back to the drawing board for now! The next update in 21 days!

The Humbug Murders (Simon & Schuster Gallery): YES! It’s true – I can finally tell you the title of the book and the publisher who bought the North American rights. The official announcement went out today in Publisher’s Weekly. I’m writing alongside NY bestselling author Scott Ciencin under the pen name LJ Oliver. How wicked is our photo above? The book is the first in a wicked mystery series featuring Ebenezer Scrooge as the reluctant detective in the decade before his demise and evolution into the mingy churl we all know and love from Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.

And then, would you believe the random circumstance and utter coincidence (if you believe in such things), I opened my mailbox today to find the signed book contract and my very first real life advance check! It’s official now. It’s real. I’m a bona fide author.

Here ends this week’s update. The Hybrid Life is perplexing and odd, but today was a day that made the insecurity and constant wobbling on the Edge of Risk totally worth it all. Thanks for reading, and see if you like my Facebook page!

Six Questions About Self-Publishing (that I’ve been asked this week)

Stories of Light

vanity

Standing at the dawn of my dream career like a newborn giraffe stands at the edge of a cliff, I can’t help feeling a little vulnerable whenever someone carefully asks whether or not they may address the elephant in the room: Am I a loser?

These are the top 6 questions I get on how much of a loser I am:

1. Are you self-publishing because you’re too impatient to wait for the right publisher to find you?

‘Ascension Denied’ really isn’t mass market. It’s marginally controversial, mocks religion (and science, and bureaucracy, and business, and art, and abstinence, and beer, and…) So I’d be waiting a very long time. And then, even if a big publishing house did fancy buying the rights to the book, I’d be required to change it to suit their portfolio. My writing partner and I have just done a major revamp on our mass…

View original post 798 more words

Six Questions About Self-Publishing (that I’ve been asked this week)

vanity

 

Standing at the dawn of my dream career like a newborn giraffe stands at the edge of a cliff, I can’t help feeling a little vulnerable whenever someone carefully asks whether or not they may address the elephant in the room: Am I a loser?

These are the top 6 questions I get on how much of a loser I am:

1. Are you self-publishing because you’re too impatient to wait for the right publisher to find you?

‘Ascension Denied’ really isn’t mass market. It’s marginally controversial, mocks religion (and science, and bureaucracy, and business, and art, and abstinence, and beer, and…) So I’d be waiting a very long time. And then, even if a big publishing house did fancy buying the rights to the book, I’d be required to change it to suit their portfolio. My writing partner and I have just done a major revamp on our mass market mystery at the bequest of our editor. It’s not the book we wrote (and that’s ok, it’s still great) – but I want to keep the integrity of ‘Ascension Denied’. I want the creative control, the commercial control and all the rights. Because I’m greedy, and also because I really believe in it.

2. Aren’t they called vanity presses for a reason? Aren’t they only for writers who are vain or desperate?

I’m relatively well-equipped with enough self-control to monitor my language, but when this question was presented I may have released a string of pearls so foul, so depraved, that even Beijing air would seem pure enough to bottle. Honestly, in any other industry, a willingness to invest in your own invention/business idea/product/art is seen as entrepreneurial and savvy. Consultants are widely used, not because business owners are desperate, but because they recognize the value of importing knowledge or experience from someone else to supplement their own portfolio of shit they can get done. So I feel no shame at all in spending my money on publishing my own novel. I’m vain, yes – extremely. But that is irrelevant. I believe in my book and I want people to read it. I don’t know much about publishing (yet), so I’ve thrown Dog Ear Publishing a wad of cash to help me out. Of course, if I was trying to open my own restaurant or sell my newly invented widget, there wouldn’t be a question. But somehow writers are expected to whore themselves out, turn their painstakingly created worlds into mass marketable drivel that suits the current trends, beg and weep and gnash and wring, until finally, finally, someone says their book is good enough. Good enough for what? I’m just saying, Snooki got a book deal….

3. Doesn’t it cost loads?

It certainly can! Or you can publish your book for hardly anything. It depends on how much support you need, whether you get a professional cover done, editing, marketing, all that stuff. You really shouldn’t do it alone though – even the most talented authors will at least contract out editing, copy-proofing, and cover design. It’s worth researching providers and services, because you can get whisked up into a crazy spending frenzy, and there are plenty of crooks out there waiting to help you relieve yourself of your fiscal burden. And that, of course, applies to any investment you make. I didn’t initially do enough research and signed with Abbott Press on the back of their shiny, sparkly sales spiel – WOW I learned fairly quick though. Unhappy customers, law suits, sub-par quality on their books, corporate profiteering. *shudder* Weeks of intense research followed and a then a quick transition to Dog Ear Publishing who have by far the most solid reputation for support services. Why didn’t I check it all out to begin with? Rookie mistake.

4. Are you worried nobody’s going to read it?

Nope!!! Worrying won’t help man nor beast. I have faith in the book. I might not have a giant marketing budget, but unless you’re James Patterson or Stephen King that’s not normally something traditional publishers will bestow on their authors anyway. It’s increasingly commonplace for authors to be expected to market their own book (I say their book, but of course it doesn’t belong to them anymore. Once you’ve sold the rights you’re effectively expected to market, promote and sell someone else‘s property. At least ‘Ascension Denied’ belongs to me.) I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to get billions of copies out there, but the solution will come to me.

5. But the quality won’t be as good as if you went with a traditional publisher though, right?

Why not? I hired a professional cover artist and an editor. The printers and distribution agents are the same that are used by the big guys. As for the book itself, I can write well. Just saying, Snooki got a book deal…

6. How are you going to succeed?

I haven’t the foggiest notion. But I’m fairly sure that nobody who ever did anything of value had any idea how they were going to do it. Two years ago I had no idea how to write a book, and know I’ve written two. They’re great, too. Last year I didn’t know anything about publishing, and today I have a book deal with a Big 5 and a novel on its way to market through my own independent efforts. So I’m pretty sure that if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, the path will illuminate itself as I potter along. I’m learning all about book promotion too, these days. Though that still feels like I’m trying to braid fog. Better keep plodding along!

 

http://www.facebook.com/EAAWilsonauthor

http://www.eaawilson.com

 

 

 

‘Ascension Denied’ Release Date Announced!

Matt

 

NEWS: To announce the release date of my debut novel ‘Ascension Denied’ we have launched two parallel competitions on Facebook to whet your appetite for this cracking book:

1)      Collect daily nuggets of wisdom and share them with your friends with the ever-enlightening ‘Ascension Ticket of the Day’. Not only will these tickets brighten up your timeline with frequent splashes of humor, but their underlying messages will give you a taste of the themes woven through the novel. The prize? A signed Special Edition hardback copy of ‘Ascension Denied’.

2)      Collect weekly ‘Character Cards’, released every Friday, with insights into the story’s heroes and handymen. Share them to your timeline to be in with the chance to win an exclusive ‘Ascension Denied’ gift set, including but not limited to: a signed paperback copy of ‘Ascension Denied’ and spoilers for the next book.

So go to www.facebook.com/EAAWilsonauthor and Like in order to take part in these amazing opportunities and stay updated with other news.

‘Ascension Denied’ is out 3rd October 2014!

http://www.eaawilson.com

The Hybrid 3

ascensiondenied_finalcover_v_box - Copy

 

An exciting update today!

The mystery novel is DONE and submitted to the publisher – who have promptly drafted a Publisher’s Weekly release. As soon as it’s out I’ll be allowed to announce the title of the book and the name of the publisher!

99 days until my self-published book, Ascension Denied, is officially released! It’s currently in the interior design studio having a make over. I was sent the first interior sample yesterday, and it looks amazing! The icon illustrations by Danielle Beebe came out really well. It’s wicked seeing what’ll be the inside of a cracking book.

The marketing campaign is going well, though it’s a slow burner these early days. The campaign will focus mostly on artwork and social media, so the challenge will be reaching those readers! I’ll take all the help and tips that exists, so please comment below if you have the experience I lack!

If you want to follow the artwork as it’s released over the next 99 days, like my Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/EAAWilsonauthor

The Hybrid: Update

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My two books are coming along well:

Ascension Denied is being self-published and is due for release in October 2014. I had some initial trouble with Abbott Press who concretely refused to allow any flexibility in the pricing of the book, and they had set the price of my book at $38 dollars before the thing was even printed.

“Why would anyone buy my book at $38 when they can get a JK Rowling book for half the price?” I asked them.

“Listen, kid, you ain’t no Rowling,” was the response. Before they’d read a page.

So I said toodle-pip and cheerio to that lot, and went with Dog Ear Publishing instead. They have been supportive, positive and best of all, I set the price of the book. Creative and commercial control: two golden nuggets authors aren’t supposed to have.

The cover is finally done! It’s at the top of this post, what do you think? The amazing cover artist Danielle Beebe really outdid herself with the above cover, and she has done loads more artwork and illustrations from the book. Some of it can be checked out here: http://www.eaawilson.com. The rest will be released over the next few weeks until the book is out, so keep watching or like my Facebook page to collect the amazing and beautiful character cards.

Yes, that’s another point. The website is finally up too, for those who haven’t yet checked it out. News, deals, and all the blurb and the excruciatingly difficult author biography. I really struggled to find a suitable place to mention that I’m an ordained minister, I had to study glacier survival at elementary school in Norway, and that I used to have geese.

The other book (I’m still not allowed to reveal the title or the publisher, even though all the contracts are signed. I’m still learning, but I suppose that means they have some plans for announcing it?) is also doing great – the first draft is due in to the editor in ONE WEEK TODAY so every spare minute is spent on editing and tightening (I owe my three-year old daughter and my ever-suffering husband lots of time and ice cream this summer). The editor is very supportive and completely digs the book, but she had some prescriptions for types of characters and certain plot points that she wanted the book to visit, so that is my first experience with not completely owning the creative process. Swallow the pride and deliver.

I’ve even sent in my W9 and other bureaucratic necessities, and there is no paperwork standing between me and my very first advance check! I get all tingly with pride when I close my eyes and imagine opening the envelope and seeing the very first few pennies that I made from my dream job: imagining things and writing them down. It might be slow, but it’s happening!

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Elizabeth