Recipe for Holy Water

It’s piss easy, according to my theory.

By now we’ve all heard Dr. Masaru Emoto’s research on the formation of water crystals (Note: his methods have been widely criticized, and he says himself it should not be considered science, so please read his work with a pinch of salt, which you can later add to your holy water as a preservative. But despite early criticism his research has also been widely replicated in double and triple-blind studies, for example, here, and here, here and here. But it’s still not conclusive. Like dark energy or the Big Bang.) For those of you who haven’t read the research and can’t be bothered, a fellow blogger outlines it beautifully here. Or read my summary:


 By exposing water molecules to different energetic vibrations via spoken word or directed thought, we can affect the shape made by the molecules when they freeze to a crystal formation. Nice words like love, gratitude and so on make more “beautiful” crystals than horrible words like arrogant, failure, and Kardashian. Music has a similar affect—nice music makes nice crystals, bad music makes ugly crystals.



(A note on that last sentence: Some people will rightfully point to the problem of subjectivity. What’s nice music? I imagine it’s got to do with resonance and sympathetic vibrations. You might like black metal, but it’s not doing you any good. I’m neither a musician nor a quantum physicist so please feel free to do your own research.)

My theory is that the holy water used by ancients and to this day across creeds and religions for an incredibly long time, is simply embedded with positivity. Brimming with delicious joy. Don’t forget my epic article, You Are H2O: You can probably perform the same steps on yourself to make yourself holy, given how wet you are.

So, if you’re running low on priests to make Holy Water or you, you can just DIY it in your own kitchen (or by the hose pipe, toilet, or anywhere you have water readily available.)

Traditional Catholic recipes call for salt (for preservation) and a priest (for mirth), but I’m going to use neither.

The Recipe:

Before you start, preset your state of being to “joyful”. If your dial doesn’t quite reach that setting, try “hopeful” or at least “thankful”. They are almost as high up on the consciousness level.

1. Get some water. I’d recommend the cleanest water you can get, some that’s not full of fluoride or chlorine or toilet cleaner. (NOTE: Take a quick moment to be thankful that you have water in abundance. Some people have to drink mud. You might as well get a head start on the recipe by directing your gratitude to the water itself.)

2. Put it in a vessel. I recommend a mug or something else easy to hold, but if you’re Mexican you might prefer a senorita’s shoe.

3. In whatever way that works best for you, center yourself and feel the benevolent flow that we recognize as good (or God, or Spirit, or Tao, or Universe, or Allah, or One, or Unified Field, or Jeffrey, whatever you like.) Feel good. You might have forgotten how to do this, or fallen out of practice, but try feeling good. It kicks ass.

4. Transform this energy into vibrations you can direct. Like words, for example. And then direct it to the water. Whisper sweet nothings to it. Tell it you’ll call it in the morning, and mean it. Imagine you can see the goodness in your breath as you speak, like golden champagne bubbles dancing in your words, falling into the water and dissolving, becoming a perfect champagne-word-water solution. Imagine the water feeling the same way you do: Good.

5. If you have a superfreezer, some microscopes, some petri dishes and a really expensive camera, pop the water in the freezer and take some photos of the water crystals. If not, just drink up!

6. If it isn’t strong enough, add some gin.


(Featured image borrowed from


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