BREAKING NEWS

Breaking news!

Living scientists on Earth have discovered irrefutable evidence pointing to the existence of a Life After Death. It is yet unclear how the discovery will affect residents of purgatory, and whether or not we will need to prepare for an increase or decrease of new arrivals.

First Minister Philip Twist at the Office of Transition, said: “It is too early to predict how the living will receive this shocking discovery. Of course, one of the main reasons the afterlife had been kept so elusive and hard to prove was, in accordance with mankind’s divinely appointed free will, to better allow people to make genuine choices about how to lead their lives.”

Captain Charon, of HMS Psychopomp (known amongst the living as “The Ferryman”) said: “We have current capacity to transport in the region of 155,000 people a day from the murky shores of death. If this number should significantly decrease, I would need to discuss compensation. If it increases, who knows, there might be room for some competition out there on the wide open Styx Ocean!”

Of course, it is common knowledge amongst us dead that what the living call “paranormal” is in fact normal and subject to the laws of science at a subatomic level. Although even we are unable to completely define the soul, it is certainly clear that the consciousness that the living use to define life is not restricted to matter, and that the sum of the pocket of energy contained in the consciousness of a thing is easily transported via Jacob’s Ladder (known as “Quantum Entanglement” to the living).

Yet, despite millennia of religious dogma and more recent basic discoveries in quantum physics over the last century, both the Office of Transition and the Arch Angels on the Aeonic Board have hoped that human knowledge would not quite make it as far as figuring out our existence.

Enlightenment Today News has been able to secure a very rarely granted inter-planal travel pass from the Arch-Angelic administrators at the Aeonic Board. We are very excited to announce that the publication will be sending a delegation of dead reporters to the world of the living to investigate how he shocking discovery is being received.

Follow our investigation on The Foible.
http://www.thefoible.com

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